IPOrnD

Its not “dirty books” that parents will be confiscating in the future, it’s an iPod Video packed with porn clips downl oaded from the web.

The launch of the new iPod Video has created an immediate problem for parents and schools. iPod porn which can be downloaded from the internet and concealed in the new iPod video player. Due for release in Australia soon the iPod video which is currently held up in a customs dispute on Australian wharves can download everything from video clips to TV shows to banned porn.

When Apple Computer unveiled the video-capable version of its popular iPod music player recently, it trumpeted the fact that users could download Pixar short films and top music videos, along with recent episodes of “Lost” and “Desperate Housewives.” But video clips of a spicier nature quickly became available as free, iPod-friendly downloads. That created an immediate problem for parents already scrambling to keep abreast of their teenagers’ computer routines.

US newspaper the Seattle Times said that the development scarcely surprises technology watchers such as Marcus Rogers, a University computer-technology instructor. Pornographers are always looking for new distribution channels, he said. “It’s the nature of the industry,” Rogers said. “They were early adopters of the Internet and bulletin-board systems, precursors of the Internet. They embrace anything that allows them to distribute this stuff quicker, better, to more people.”

X-rated Web sites have made it quick and easy to download steamy sequences via iTunes, Apple Computer’s iTunes music-jukebox software, and then sync them to a video iPod for mobile playback. Pornography isn’t unique to the video iPod. Users of older iPods and other portable players have long been able to download audio “podcasts,” often of an explicit nature. In some such radio-like programs, hosts read X-rated fiction. In others, they dissect fetishistic topics. Some have used the term “podnography” to describe this trend.

What’s more, recent-model iPods and other music players are able to display pictures - including pornographic ones - on their full-color screens. Playboy has offered soft-core “iBod” imagery specifically for picture-capable iPods. Sony’s popular PlayStation Portable handheld-gaming device also has become a porn magnet this year, largely because of its large, letterbox-formatted color display. Content authors ranging from Playboy to purveyors of hardcore pictures and videos have released PSP-specific material, both as downloadable files and on the device’s Universal Media Discs.

Because of such prurient practices, some tech devotees recommend that parents avoid iPod-like devices and look into more secure portable gadgets. Brian Olson of suburban Denver likes the PocketDish, a handheld video player aimed at Dish Network satellite-TV users who want to easily transfer shows from their Dish digital video recorders. “We’re going with the PocketDish,” Olson said. “For parents, I know both the satellite providers provide excellent parental lock systems to keep porn programming from ever being recorded or even seen on the program guides, and these locks are foolproof.”

But, as parents know, children are likelier to clamor for iPods. So, for adults entrusting young ones with video versions of the players, a bit of an education is in order. Here are points to keep in mind:

. The iTunes software has parental controls. This restricts what can be downloaded from the iTunes Music Store, an online bazaar featuring music and music videos and audio and video podcasts. The explicit among these are typically labeled as such and can be filtered out. You also can disable podcasts and the music store.

. Kids can get around those controls. One way is by manually obtaining video podcasts and other easily downloadable content. So, Mom and Dad, try to familiarize yourself with iTunes’ content areas. The key one is “Library.” Click it to see a listing of audio and video content. A search field lets you look for keywords such as “sex.”

. Ask to inspect your kids’ iPods. Make sure they aren’t password-protected to lock you out. Or, if you let your kids use this Screen Lock feature so they can protect personal information while on the go (iPods now serve as digital calendars and address books), ask for those combinations and tuck them away for future reference.

. Don’t be overly dependent on technology. If you think you can stay on top of every tech trick, think again - your teens will outsmart you. So cultivate good relationships.

“It is incumbent on parents to teach what is right and what is wrong,” Rogers said. “Don’t make this into a taboo. That is as bad as waving a red flag in front of a bull.”

I am the first. At least, I am the first I know of to think of this idea at this very moment in time in this exact space which you are right now reading, given how I’m quite sure the very minute Apple announced their sexy delicious new video-capable iPod roughly five million people and most of them men simultaneously thought of it too.

No matter. I shall henceforth argue that I was one of the first to think of turning my genius iPod porn idea into an instant company, writing up a business plan and hiring a programmer and a team of lawyers and investing a wad of someone else’s VC cash into renting out a stack of servers and outsourcing my tech support from Bangalore, India, because, oh my God, the idea is just right there, ripe and waiting and I could sure use the millions of dollars I would surely make in one single month.

IPod porn. The time has come. The idea is brilliantly, geniusly simple.

Here it is: The new iPod, as the world now knows, plays video. You can download reformatted music videos and scaled-down episodes of “Lost” and “Desperate Housewives” and some Pixar shorts and a couple of weird teen shows you’ve never heard of and only pay two bucks apiece for the privilege, which, apparently, some people are actually doing because God knows you can’t have enough 1-inch-high Eva Longorias in bad black negligees.

Apple being Apple, this advance has been hailed as either the Second Coming of television, the Innovation That Will Change Everything, or it’s a resounding thud, largely overhyped, a remains-to-be-seen micro-advance in excessive gizmo fetishism that most people beyond Tivo-addicted media fanatics won’t care much about because, after all, who the hell wants to pay for some old show you can only watch on a tiny 2.5-inch screen? Isn’t that why God invented 100-inch plasma TVs and cheap DVD players and laziness and beer? Damn right.

Did you already figure it out? Of course you did. Porn is the answer. Porn will make it all happen. I only want my $50 mil finder’s fee.

Here is how my business will work: Make a sweet deal with numerous porn video creators. Repurpose their movies for play on the new iPod by encoding individual sex scenes in the iPod’s standard H.264 768 Kbps 320x240 hi-res LCD format. Make these scenes available for Internet download for a buck or two apiece, just like the iTunes Music Store, only kinkier and slipperier and more appealing to guilt-addled Christians from Texas and Arkansas. Add sections for amateur couples to send in their homemade videos. Add sections for the tragically neglected arena of hot porn for women. Add sections for Republican ankle fetishists. You get the idea.

That’s it. Voilà. Instant millionaire, I am. Can’t you just taste it? I sure can. And what’s more, I shall donate the first $30 million of my profits to create true, juicy sex-ed classes for Bush-ravaged, GOP-numbed classrooms across America. This is my plan.

I know it will work. The precedents are all in place. You already know how sex and porn drove much of the innovation and evolution of the Internet itself, yes? The porn industry, more than Napster and more than online gaming and more than Amazon and more than AOL’s gay NASCAR fan chat rooms, made the Internet what you lust after today.

Widespread broadband access? Secure online shopping? Monthly online subscriptions? Downloading and video streaming and webcam technology? Thank the porn biz for driving the innovation and evolution of it all, baby. And now, the next wave. Porn to go. Hell, as my pal and best-selling sex authoress Violet Blue will tell you, sexual podcasts do a huge business. I’m sure she’ll agree: This is a Sure Thing.

But oh you might scream and wail, what American male in his right mind would care to watch his beloved smut on such a tiny screen when the aforementioned TVs and DVDs can easily handle the task at much higher quality? What business traveler would care to load up his tiny iPod with 15-minute hunks of “Weapons of Ass Destruction IV” when every hotel offers a wide array of pay-per-view porn on the in-house TV?

Silly questions, all. Think about it. The video iPod is the ideal companion. The perfect secret titillation device. You do not need any extra gear. You need no space, no PC and no TV and no DVDs and nothing whatsoever. Ever seen pay-per-view hotel porn? Twelve bucks a pop and you can’t rewind and the selection is just awful and afterward you feel slightly soiled and creepy and you gotta explain the charge on your hotel bill. It’s all so very 1994.

This is the biggest selling point of all: infinite portability, combined with near-perfect privacy. It will be the businessman’s friend. The traveler’s dream. The college student’s beloved late-night study pal. Take it camping. Take it to the office restroom. Watch it on awkward family vacations, in the airplane bathroom, in church. No longer are you saddled with a TV or PC. No longer must you fuss with DVDs and bulky porno-riffic gear. Rejoice.

Oh, do not mention screen size. Do not dare suggest men will balk at watching hot sex on such a tiny display. It has been proven over five million years of intensive study that men can become aroused at sexual images the size of a speck of dust from 50 feet away. You know it’s true.

Men can produce lust for blurry black-and-white postage-stamp photos of seminaked females taken in 1966. Men can become aroused looking at a nipple-shaped amoeba through a microscope. Hell, we get turned on by cool hubcaps. Trust me when I say the iPod’s screen will be more than sufficient. As for women, well, what the iPod screen lacks in scale, it makes up for in sensual, tactile design. After all, it’s not size, it’s how you use it. Right? Right?

So why am I telling you all this? Why share my Genius Idea with the world? Well, because I can’t do it. I have not the means. What’s more, despite my rampant and ongoing pro-sex attitude, I am not exactly eager to yoke my soul to the greasy lowbrow porn machine. What will my parents think? Who will save the children? What happens when I run for political office? Plus, I’m way too busy procrastinating on writing a novel.

So then, I am offering to give my Genius Idea away, to you, to anyone who wants it, as a boon to the world, as an offering to the pro-sex gods (I will, however, accept any sort of seven-figure finder’s fee when you become a millionaire from my idea).

Porncasting is now. Porncasting is a must. After all, someone has to counter the scary prospect of all those video iPod religious sermons. Shudder.

iPod Porn

Doesn’t take long, does it? According to CBS news sexy pin-ups, such as the Suicide Girls, as well as pornographic video clips are already being downloaded en masse for the video iPod.

The same thing happened to the PSP, when videos became easily transferable to Sony’s mighty little handheld. The issue of portable video porn is of concern for parents, who have less control over the use of portable electronics than they do home computers or videogame consoles.

Yet, as with any open format, people will do what they want with it, and if portable porn is a demand, it will be filled.

It should be noted that video content is, at this point, a matter of personal choice, so parents and concerned parties should know that adult videos can’t accidentally appear on your video iPod or PSP, and that you can watch exclusively family friendly films if you wish.

Search engine preps porn for video iPod

LONDON - It may not be quite what Steve Jobs had in mind, but an online search engine called Guba is set to offer vast amounts of pornography and other video files, specifically tailored for Apple’s new iPods.

Guba is a subscription-only search engine that culls video files from the Usenet newsgroups, a huge repository of online content — much of it adult, pirated, or both.

Beginning this month, Guba will convert video files from Usenet into the format used by the iPod, known as H.264. Apple CEO Steve Jobs launched the video-enabled iPod last month along with deals to sell downloadable music videos and TV shows.

Although Guba offers up a wide variety of video, from the satirical news program “The Daily Show” to Japanese animation, its “erotica” section is likely to be the biggest draw.

“We can kid ourselves, but in the end it’s probably porn that people want,” said Guba chief executive Thomas McInerney. He noted that the site offers a “safe mode” to filter out adult content.

Usenet predates the World Wide Web by more than a decade, and it has developed alongside more mainstream file-sharing networks like Kazaa and BitTorrent.

Guba specifically searches through Usenet’s multimedia content, which is not indexed by popular search engines such as Yahoo or Google. It also converts video into standard formats, and lets users stream small versions from its Web site.

At a time when movie studios are hyper-vigilant about online piracy, Guba’s easily accessible videos could raise hackles among Hollywood’s content owners.

Guba counters that it will strictly abide by the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which requires search engines to take down any content upon request of the copyright holder. It has also blocked access to music files and videos longer than 70 minutes.

McInerney said Guba is blocking MP3 music files “because there has been so much litigation about music, and the RIAA (Recording Industry of America) has been so aggressive about it.” However, Guba does offer TV files, because “the TV guys seem to understand the Internet … they seem to be the next industry after music to go online,” McInerney said.

A search of Guba revealed a wide range of TV shows, including Disney’s “Lost” and “Desperate Housewives,” which are both sold online at Apple’s iTunes Music Store.

McInerney said that Guba, which charges $14.95 per month, is profitable and has about 15 employees.

“What we’d really like to do, and what we’ll need to do, is partner with a large content company,” he said. “They’re getting wise to the Internet, and they’re understanding that they can’t litigate it away.”

Copyright 2005 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters.

Now, with new video capability on Apple Computer’s iPods, pornography may push the envelope of video content available on digital content players. Of course, this development presents some issues.

It is tough enough already for parents to monitor the Internet viewing habits of their children. Many parents have home computers located in a central place, such as the living room, so that they can be sure that their children are accessing only age-appropriate content.

However, the ability of parents to monitor is seriously undermined if their children quickly can download adult content onto their iPods and then take it away from the home for easy viewing elsewhere.

Employers often undertake vigorous efforts to monitor and ensure that only work-related and otherwise appropriate content is viewed by employees in the workplace. Many employers insist that the only computers accessible in the workplace are those that belong to the employers precisely so the employers can monitor for proper content viewing.

Yet, iPods are becoming so ubiquitous and are so small, they are an easy vehicle for bringing pornography into the workplace. Employees discreetly could try to view pornography away from the watch of others. By engaging in such behavior, they often could be distracted from their true work functions, and problematically, they might contribute to an inappropriate and potentially hostile work environment to the extent the iPod porn is seen by others.

So, what are we to do?

As video makes its way onto iPods, parents can and should let their children know that they periodically will check their kids’ iPods to see what video content has been downloaded. They also should check on filters that are being developed to prevent adult content from being downloaded onto iPods. Cybersitter, for example, reportedly is researching the process needed to filter pornography video content from iPods.

To the extent adult video content becomes a true iPod phenomenon, employers obviously should ban employees from viewing such content in the workplace. If that does not get the job done, employers should consider banning iPod video use in the workplace.

The Internet and handheld devices of various types bring all of us and all types of content closer together. Of course, this has many beneficial effects. Some may argue that viewing pornography on iPods is a positive development for interested adults. Without debating that issue, the truth remains that iPod porn must be dealt with at home and at the office.